Taxi! Taxi!

It's been a while since I last shared my journal entries with you. Quite honestly, I haven't been writing as much as I want to.  One reason may be the fear of seeing stagnation; seeing no true growth; growth in my life as a whole. But the truth is, there has been growth. Even though I'm not proud of all my actions and decisions, there has been growth. God has been working in me and It was just a matter of allowing me to see His work, and glorify Him for it. I believe He wants me to continue sharing my Faith Journey with you despite what life throws at me. Perhaps it's all in the journey.

SHORT STORY

While away in Trinidad to study, I travelled a lot. I was always on foot, heading to taxis and maxis to get to wherever I was going to, on time. One Sabbath morning I jumped into a taxi on my way to church and the young taxi driver decided to tell me how inspired he was to see me going to church [How did he know that's where I was headed?] and he decided to tell me - a complete stranger - of his relationship woes! He noted that he had seen me on several occasions going about my business and that too had inspired him! I was totally humbled. I offered him a listening ear and God's enduring love. He also wanted me to pray for Him at church and I also told him that he too should always be in constant prayer. I saw him several times after and he'd always look happy to see me. He also told me the outcome of that morning, and all I could say now is that God answers prayers! I'll never truly know why God directed me to this young man's vehicle but I pray that I can bless all the hearts that I come into contact with - Seen and unseen!

MORAL

It's hard to think that people would be inspired by just seeing you! No actual exchange of words, no effort made on your part! That should give you faith in God and courage in yourself to live in the purpose that He created you for! Don't sell yourself short. Stop believing the lies that you are less than you are. Stay focused on God. Seek His face several times daily. Have a close relationship with Him and, take my word for it, you'll be greatly rewarded!

Inspiration is indeed my way of life. I thrive on every valuable once I find. God has been inspiring me through His word and through the most unexpected of persons. I'd like to continue sharing those with you if you'd permit me!

- Tiff

 

"Pray without ceasing." - 1 Thessalonians 5:17

 

 

Soul Poet

His words flow with rhythmic vibrations,
Deep yet delicate, pulsating my soul,
Touching the unreachable parts of me,
Killing me softly, even when music is absent;
He speaks truth, empowering the lowliest of spirit,
Enlightening the seekers, strengthening faith;
He speaks of pain, a parcel covered with red tiny hearts;
He speaks life, awakening the creative spirit within me,
Reminding me of simpler days, and easier ways,
Of river baths and waiting by standpipes for jug filling,
Of sand bathing and rope skipping and puppy rescuing;
He speaks love, tugging at my heart strings,
Igniting the insatiable fire within my soul,
Burning hate and enmity to total consumption,
Creating hope after the storm, releasing doubts;
He speaks peace, like the gentle breeze and waves on the sea shore,
Of clear horizons and golden sunsets,
Glistening against the ocean ripples and welcoming a new day;
He speaks joy, genuine and pure, triggered by the tiny things,
With random outbursts of excitement at cheeky smiles and warm embraces;
He speaks freedom, to choose among the roses and thorns,
To run through and pick each flower in the garden,
To share one, to understand that once picked,
It would eventually wither away,
To believe that growth comes from rainy days,
And bush fires worsen with sunshine,
To believe, to trust, to love, to be;
He speaks forgiveness, healing the heart of the giver,
Quenching the given's soul,
Mending broken, feeble lives,
Mirroring the mercy of Christ and beginning new chapters;
He speaks wisdom, imparting knowledge, lighting dark paths,
Transplanting new eyes for fresh discernment.
His voice is ever clear, ever gentle, soothing, encouraging,
I listen, I live.

Old Purse

I am woman
I carry pain and joy
In this same old purse
Black handles, stiff zippers
Full of compartments and hiding corners
Recovering 10 cents and torn up dollars
It was light at first
The longer I carried it,
The heavier it got
But I manage just fine
Peeling and wear & tear marks
Stretched out with time
Responsibilities, fade, possibilities
Enduring still
And now, both arms are strong
From switching and strap-pulling
And I just packed in some love
I am woman
Still growing, still learning, human
I need a new purse though.
A red one, with an extra handle.

Your Life

You can't choose who you influence.
You can't choose who loves you.
You can't choose which way the wind blows.
You can't choose your destiny.

You control your actions.
You control your words.
You can plan your tomorrow.
But you only have today.

You've struggled for too long,
Fighting battles of the heart.
You've allowed war to prolong
It's time to make a peaceful start.

Don't let what happened in the past
Affect your present position.
Stay strong and let this moment last.
Look back only for inspiration.

Sometimes we're running through life
Without knowing who we are.
Amidst pain and strife,
God's our strong tower.

Focus on giving love,
Lifting you and letting Him in.
Give Him all your heart,
Your life, He'll cleanse your from sin.

Fairytales

The fairytale's in your head,
Created to mask reality,
The safest high,
Floating in midair,
Glimpses of truth sail the ship,
Through clouds and over rainbows,
Open minded and closed eyes,
Painting a sunny day with rainy clouds outside,
Cutting hearts and butterflies,
Bleeding love and compromise,
Miles away from paradise,
Smiles and warm hugs,
Silence's warranted drugs,
Constant broken ties,
Staring into eyes that mesmerize,
Being carried away and paralyzed,
Snapping back to fears and self-taught lies,
Facing life with depleted tries,
The crewless ship weathers the storm,
Heat's cold, weary and forlorn,
All care and trust is gone,
Alone and lonely,
Will shredded, insides torn,
Knights, Prince Charmins, Princesses and Frogs,
The dream is over before it began,
Waking up is easy, getting up is hard,
To face the day is to face your fears,
But it's difficult to see with eyes full of tears,
And you're hiding because you can't let them see,
What your version of you is - to be free,
So you were never fully you,
Keeping it 49,
But it's safe sliding down the rabbit hole,
And you've grown to enjoy the dark,
There's clarity, and truth and purity,
There's normalcy in abnormality,
There's perfection in imperfection,
Each adventure heightens the faculties,
Life encapsulated by joy and peace,
Furnished innovation and creativity,
An escape, an illusion or both,
But for the while you're happy,
With the fairytales in your head.

Call

I'll always call.
I always do.
When I miss your voice, your direction, your love.
When I can no longer take the pain
The tears, the loneliness,
Feeling like am empty without you,
Feeling broken and bruised, and weak without you.
I always call and when I do, for a second
Maybe two,
Things are good again;
Roses are red and violets blue again:
The breeze blows cool and calm again;
Am at peace again.
But when I call,
Maybe the calls too long
Or the mood's too strong,
Or I just don't know,
Because just like before,
We argue once more, hang up for months
Then again, I call.
What's the matter with me?
Why do I always call?
Don't I ever learn my lesson?
Or do I just love to stall?
Why Can't I see the big picture?
Why is it never clear that I have to reach you...
When I want you to be here?
Why don't you ever call...
And let me know how you feel?
Am I just obsessed or is our love real?
Do u really miss me when we don't talk?
Do u long to see me, hold me...
Or just for us to take a long walk...
I love my independence but I feel dead without you.
I spent endless sleepless nights hoping to phase through
But I just cant.
I need you I want you I can't live without you! 
Why wont you call?
I always wish to forget what happened the last time we spoke...
I wish our miserable past would just go up in smoke...
I'd love our hurt, our pain, our regrets and our fears to burn away...
Leaving a new beginning
One where we both would stay
One where we'd work it out
We'd grow and pray
One where we'd depend on God to get us through
Each and everyday
One where we'd live and laugh and love and support,
Where we wont fight with each other
But we'd fight for our love
Despite our ups and downs.
I don't know anything else stronger...
I've never yearned for you with such hunger
I call because I'm broken
I hate myself for calling
Cause it was such a waste of time.
I only raised emotions and issues
That were dormant and unreconciled.
You see that's our major problem...
Well at least mine,
Cause it seems like we never sever ties, we always stop...
Then you tried to live a lie so that I could be happy...
How did that plan go?
Promise me this and never you forget,
Especially if you don't want to be
Once more filled with over whelming regret...
The next time I call don't you ever pick up!
Because if you do...
It'll be good ...
but then again...
You and I are going to
Somehow,
Mess things up...

PS: I spoke about my love to so many people
I let them know that's where I learned a lot.

- Letters Undelivered, Tiff

Lived & Learned

Some say they care.
They get inside your head,
Get inside your chest,
Touch your heart,
Count its beats,
Know your soul.
Their intentions are aligned
With pretense desperation and self-dealing,
They seek love because they need it,
They yearn endlessly for what their past,
Has fallen short of.
They listen, they lie, they smile,
They hold out, they suggest, they waiver,
They half-heart the whole time,
And time never seems to end with them,
Until it does.
Time ends abruptly.
Their selfish desires
Reveal jealous piety,
Reveal lonesome, bitter envy,
Reveal a hunger for love,
With a greed for altruism.
Some love lost,
The jar almost empty,
You're wrung of your substance,
A dried up shriveled means of getting by,
A hallow shell of existence,
Purged of joy,
Purged of peace,
Bothered by the voice,
The voice inside your head,
Reminding you of the mistakes,
Reminding you of the failures,
Tattooing regrets across your thighs,
The voices around you,
Telling you you're not worthy
Of unconditional love,
Telling you sweet little lies,
Drawing you deeper in,
It's darker now,
And they know it.
You thought they'd be there for you,
But they're not,
You're left rocking, itching,
Dampened gloom, slipping,
Bleeding slits, trembling lips
Poison sips,
Screaming,
But they can't hear you.
They're really gone.
The withdrawal is hard,
They took your love in vain,
They left you in pain,
Now you realize,
They were feeding you lies,
Heart-shaped,
Floating amongst their provision for bad debts,
They've provided well,
They ensured they were taken care of,
Never leaving hungry,
Never starving, always having a meal prepared,
Frozen, microwavable, but prepared.
Pay them no mind,
Walk along,
Your bruises will heal,
You're well aware of their battle plans,
But battle plans don't win wars,
You've lived and you've learned,
You know not to get mislead,
Instead, you'll lift your head.
Spirit cleanse, mind change, body renewed,
Be kind to your soul,
See love from within.
Let it be patient.
You'll heal with time.

- TRW