The Conductor

A bottle of pills, a rope, a dagger, a pistol, the edge of a high building, poison, running away, MIA-ing, no limes, no parties, no school, no church, no morals, no values, no time, no motivation, no reservation, no limitation, no need to be here, no need to hear, no need to listen. Tired.

Walking down a lonely road, taking the only load, the only burden to a place that's undetermined.

Finding it hard to realize and analyze what's inside.

What's inside is what's to fear. Not knowing the capabilities of the heart and soul is worst than a Boa Constrictor wrapped around your neck. Being constricted by thoughts of the past, present and future.

Not maintaining emotions and feelings and words. Angry, sad, confused, frustrated, depressed. Feelings and emotions kept in perfect timing as the conductor fiddles so the parts can collaborate and make an artistic masterpiece. The conductor rules. As long as he's there, a mask of determination, motivation, enthusiasm, elation you must show - he rules.

String, wind, percussion echo vibrations of his delight. All eyes on manuscript where lines and notes and symbols gain respect.

He waves and taps and gestures and finally spins and takes an appreciative bow. The audience is pleased.  All musicians applauded. Talent praised. The conductor's satisfied. Feelings and emotions were kept in check. The applause dies, curtains closed, the room clears, lights switched off. Just seats left, the ones that flip up for easy passing. An empty room, no music, no sound, just darkness, no feelings and no emotions, no talent.

Emptiness guided by deep desperation to reach, understand and know the light; light like that of the tiny bugs that dance at sunset and make patterns of the atmosphere. They're beautiful and nostalgic, bringing back memories of the time before the hurt, the pain, the regret, the toils, the arguments, the betrayal, the deceits, the fights, the failure, the wasted time; memories of when Sincerity and Innocence reigned and were madly in love, Emperor and Empress.

 

The conductor is gone. Innocence Gone. Sincerity Hidden. Disguised are the desired things of life.